君が傍にいるため

[shadow]

。。。今朝起きたらなぜか、ちょっとしたSSを思いついた。なぜこんな物か分からないが、うん。。。昨日ちょっとブログ内探し物してる間「麻衣ｘナルは絶対ありえない」というコメントを見て。。。うん。。。私、どうでしょう。Tenca様が書いたSSを読んだことあるし、ほかいろいろ読んだし。。。　ちょっとそっちも好きかな～っというところも私の中にいるかも知りません。だけど、ナル受け。。。確かにちょっと難しいかも知らない。そして、そういう話あんまり全然書けない。（汗）

それでも、ちょっと書きたい。。。？性的なことがあるかないか良く分からない。（<-言わなくてもいい！書けないと言ってんじゃん!）

話はまだ頭の中でもぐちゃぐちゃ。違うところから始めたので たどり着いたのは今のところ。ちょっと時間がかかりますが、宜しければ読んでくださいね。

臆病麻衣とかなり優しいナル。ありうる？ありえない？どっちでしょうね。仕事場だったらありえないほうかも。　^^;

ナルｘ麻衣　そして　麻衣ｘナル　になる可能性有り。苦手な方に要注意。（今のところ　何もないけど。（笑））


五月。

満月の夜


本当に満月か分からないが満月は近いに違いない。

麻衣はぼんやりと月を見上げていた。ただ、ぼんやりと。あんまり考えないように、けどそういう時考えてしまう。自分は本当に一人だと。彼女は今ナルのマンションに来てる。彼は最近論文と本部から送られた仕事に追われて凄く忙しい。それでも、彼女を拒まない。マンションに入れてくれるがこういう時あんまり一緒と過ごせない。それでも、彼女が来ると彼はいつも食事と紅茶くらい一緒する。麻衣は時々掃除や洗濯をするがナルはそれあんまり好まない。

「そんな事をするためここに来たのかお前は？」彼が問う。

でも、麻衣がそれをやりたいと言ったら彼は諦めて麻衣が好きなままやらせる。麻衣が来ると読書だけなら麻衣と一緒リビングにいるが、今は論文を書いてるからいつも書斎にいる。そして、麻衣は一人リビングで宿題をするかテレビを見る。あんまり恋人同士とは見えないがこれでも九ヶ月付き合ってる者達。そして、恋人とかまだ言えない。彼らはまだそこまでいってない。

麻衣は時々ナルのところに来てそこで時間を過ごし普通は自分のアパートに帰る。遅くまでナルのところにいるとナルは彼女を送るか時折麻衣はナルのところに泊まる。泊まっても、彼のマンションは広くて客間もあるから問題ない。

そんな風に彼らがこの九ヶ月を過ごしてきた。そして、時々麻衣はベランダのほうに出て外の景色を眺める。だが満月が近い時一人でいるといつも月を見上げて考えてしまう。

«お母さんが死んで

お父さんも　とっくに死んだ

他の家族もいない

あたし、本当に一人なんだな。。。»

麻衣は月を見る。手を月のほうに伸ばしても絶対掴めない。死んでしまった大切な人間に届けない。いくら願っても二度と会えない。一人は嫌。子供のように　親と会いたい。でもそれは絶対叶わない願い。でも、彼女は本格的に安心できたのは親と一緒にいた時だけだった。友達や仲間たちと過ごす時間はとっても楽しい。心が慰める。だけど、何時もどこか心がちょっとだけ警戒してる。

そう、自分を守る為。



書斎から出たナルは最近論文と本部から送れた仕事に追われ　麻衣がマンションに来てもあんまり一緒と過ごせない。それでも、彼女は結構彼のところに来る。そこで料理をしてお茶を淹れ宿題をするかテレビを見る。こういう時は彼女には申し訳ないが　麻衣はそれを承知した上で彼と付き合い始めたから　彼女もそれを分かってそれでもこういう時彼の部屋に訪れている。

周りを見回すと彼女の姿がリビングには見つからない。キッチンに居なかった彼女はどこに行ったかを考え　彼はバルコニーのほうに視線を向く。そして、見つかる。

彼女は何かを考えながら月を見上た。それを見た彼は突然何かの感情を確かに感じた。しかし、その感情の正体は知らない。時々、彼がこんな風に彼女を見つかる。何かを考えながら月を見上げてるところ。そして、今夜みたいに彼女は時々月のほうに手を伸ばす。何かを掴めたいよう　何かを求めてるように。

それを見るとナルは時々ふっと思う。いつか彼女は突然消えてしまうかも。御伽噺のかぐや姫が月に帰るように。

彼が知ってる。人間は永遠に生きられない。生きるのはほんの僅かな間で　人の命はとっても脆い。精神は丈夫とそうでもない人がいて、身体的のほうも同じ。そして、死は早かれ遅かれ、いつか訪れることだ。だからこんな風に感じるときがあるかも知らない。

麻衣と付き合い始めたのは九ヶ月前。そして、彼女はいつもちょっとだけ距離を置く癖があることに気付いた。ナルは最初凄くそれに驚いた。彼女らしくないと思った。でも、考え直したらそんな癖は当たり前かも知らない。麻衣は彼と違って本当に一人だから。ナルはいつもジーンと一緒だった。そして、ジーンがいなくなった時、他の家族をすでに得ていた。そう、マーティンとルエラがいた。だけど、麻衣は違う。彼女は父親を亡くし、母親も亡くした。そして、今はただ一人で生きている。だから、その一歩の距離は自然的身についたのでしょう。一人で生きるため　他の人に心のすべてを開かない、あんまり頼らない、甘えない。

そう、一人で生きる為。

仲間を作ってもその人はけして家族ではない。だから、無条件で無意識的に頼ることはない。そこまで甘えられない。

だからかも知らない。ナルにとってちょっと苛立つときがあって、どうすればいいか分からない。彼は他人と接触するのは苦手。でも、だからといって、全然しないとは違う。しかし、その距離を埋める方法、彼は今　それはまだ知らない。彼が思った。麻衣は本当に強くてとっても弱い人。そして、その距離が生む溝はとっても深い。彼がその溝を埋めることが出来るか分からない。

その時、小さな不安がナルの心の中に根生えた。そして、その不安に気付くのは一月以上がたってから。

つづく

Comments

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

That makes 2 JP SS hope for English version someday... ^^ (yeah,I keep hoping ot win the lottery too)

Couple more icons done:
4
5
5 alternate

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

^^;; This one's a bit... I really hope I can make this one work. It's not a long SS (I managed to put the concept together mentally this morning, but it spans the better part of a year. Moreover, it'll probably be both Naru x Mai and Mai x Naru. I'm not sure I can pull it off though. Trying to write those sorts of concepts in Japanese... (It's laughable enough for me to write a kiss scene in J, writing any more even conceptually... >.<;; )

Story-wise, it's more of a separate concept story. Naru's a bit... too nice maybe. Mai's a lot darker, too. ^^;;

Cheers on the icons! ^o^ #5 alt is much <3! (Can I steal that one? It's not gh_fics specific after all. :P )

Edit 2: Come to think of it, neither was #3... *___*

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Sounds... ambitious? ^^ Ganbatte!
I can see MXN from an emotional dominant aspect.

Why do fics run so well in the head (in morning or night while in bed) but go splat when try to write them out...

Unh, did they all *have* to have gh_fics in them? i.e., still applies (or not).
Hai, can use any you want.

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think "insane", "mental", or similar might be a bit more accurate. ^^;

Why do fics run so well in the head (in morning or night while in bed) but go splat when try to write them out...

Probably because the brain's being flushed or has just been flushed. Just like they do so well in the shower. ^^;; My biggest problem is having the plot collapse while I'm trying to write it out in J. I can type and write quickly enough in E to scribble things out and then work through problems, but in J, it tends to get bogged down in the writing out itself. >.>

Unh, did they all *have* to have gh_fics in them? i.e., still applies (or not).
Hai, can use any you want.

Nope, nope. But if it has gh_fics in them, it's a lot more specific to the comm. :P Yay! Stealing. ^o^

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Well I'd have to reserve judgment until an English version :)

Be so much more simpler if could wire brain directly to keyboard and "type" out the thoughts.

Well, #3 for me was set to be for gh_fics just that it can also apply to any GH fic writer (with penchant for tea ^^). Took 5 hours today to edit the clips down and text tilted, etc for #4 and #5...

Have done a few more Naru ones this past week

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Your icons crack me up!

Hmm ^^ I'll hope you translate this.

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

^_^ Wouldn't want people thinking GH is all serious now would we?

Yes, 2 votes for an English version.

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Make that three, I think. *points to ginny_t's comment*

Ghost Hunt, serious? They've obviously never met Madoka when she comes along. Can we say 'Naru= pwned?'

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, 3 then! Need more incentive still I suspect though...

Naru whipped more comes to mind with Madoka on board. :)

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

Ginny's always whining for translations. It's a wonder Shadow puts up with me at all.

*leaves tea for Shadow*

…

…

*and cookies*

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Yay! Tea and cookies! ^o^

^^;

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Be so much more simpler if could wire brain directly to keyboard and "type" out the thoughts.

*sigh* Tell me about it. >.<;; It wouldn't help folks here much (since most of the conceptualisation is done in J), but it would get it out of the brain a lot faster. >.<;;

Youch! Editing can be so time consuming. >.<;

Cheers! ^_^

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

*poke* Greenwood and IW.

XD

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Umm... IW's going through an edit re-read. *sigh* I sort of want the Epilogue/Interlude out before putting out GW. There's a minor reference in it, but... *sigh* Not to mention GW starts falling apart with the next bit. >.> It's... off.

I almost didn't release M is for Missing because there's a reference to something that's revealed in IWp2 (and the spring time story) in it. ^^;; (While the reference is really minor, it's there. ^^;; )

But yes, I'm working on them. (And ST2 decided to knock and say 'Hi, this is my opening scene. You don't have me plotted out fully yet, but this is how I start.' *sigh*

*grumble* I agree with Bou-san in GW. But that means I need to do more on another end too. >.<;; Oh the corners we write ourselves into!

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Not to mention GW starts falling apart with the next bit. >.> It's... off.

How do you mean 'off?' Maa, you know where to find if you want to bounce ideas.

At least ST2 knocked. Some just barge on in and say 'write me now!' kthxbai!

Yes, the corners and pit-falls and worse. ~_~ Sad thing is, we enjoy it. XD

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I like, I want, but I can't see it happening. ^^;; I also need to work on a transition some more in it. ^^;

At least ST2 knocked. Some just barge on in and say 'write me now!' kthxbai!

It did. It knocked, said "Hi, this is it. Write me down lest you forget." and kept me up until 3:30AM. Then the next morning, it said, "Y'know, that first scene would probably work better if you jumped right into the middle of things? Skip all that long exposition you wrote last night. This works better." >.> I was not impressed, although I admit the latter does work better. *sigh* So, now I have an opening scene with nothing following, and no real idea where it wants to go. ^^;;

Oh well. I have a long way to go before I can get back to that opening. ^^;;

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

...ST2 is giving you hell already. That's a cheerful ominous sign.

Hmm... I like, I want, but I can't see it happening. ^^;; I also need to work on a transition some more in it.

Would it work somewhere else in the story, or does it need to be there, in that exact spot? Transition-wise... if I knew what was supposed to be I could give suggestions and plot bunnies (Charlie went off and had children no thanks to some people I could mention, but won't).

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

...ST2 is giving you hell already. That's a cheerful ominous sign.

*sigh* Yeah. However, ST2 doesn't have an outline yet, so it'll be some time before it goes places. ^^;

Would it work somewhere else in the story, or does it need to be there, in that exact spot? Transition-wise... if I knew what was supposed to be I could give suggestions and plot bunnies (Charlie went off and had children no thanks to some people I could mention, but won't).

Nope. It's definitely specific to that point, but... I don't think it's particularly realistic which is why I'm going "hrmm".

Charlie have sub-plot bunnies sure isn't *my* fault. :P

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Charlie have sub-plot bunnies sure isn't *my* fault. :P

Oh, no, not all of it's your fault. Just most of it. There are a few others I blame, too.

Nope. It's definitely specific to that point, but... I don't think it's particularly realistic which is why I'm going "hrmm".

What about it strikes you as unrealistic? (Maybe you should email me?)

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

:P Hey, I only gave him some choco. ^^;

What about it strikes you as unrealistic? (Maybe you should email me?)

Hmm... Will send. If you're up for it, I have another thing I'd like to bounce off you actually. Let me know. ^_^

BTW, anything on the books for WD?

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Hey, I only gave him some choco.

Chocolate? Is that why he thinks he's the Cadburry Bunny now? *sigh*

Hmm... Will send. If you're up for it, I have another thing I'd like to bounce off you actually. Let me know.

Bounce away, bounce away. Spring Break starts for me this Friday, so I'll have plenty of time. ^_~

BTW, anything on the books for WD?

Books, books. Blanking here. I feel like I promised to find something and forgot about it. Am I on the right track?

[(Anonymous)]

Better than having the Energizer plot bunny, isn't it? :P

Both have been sent over. ^_^ Cheers!

Books, books. Blanking here. I feel like I promised to find something and forgot about it. Am I on the right track?

Nope, nope. Think March 14 and writing. ^_^ I don't know if I'll be able to come up with anything for it though. ^^;; The problem is I can think of an *ahem* omake, but the main... Hrm... ^^;

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

I wrote you back.

Better than having the Energizer plot bunny, isn't it? :P

Not when I'm bored at work, it's not. Bloody bunny.

Think March 14 and writing. ^_^ I don't know if I'll be able to come up with anything for it though. ^^;; The problem is I can think of an *ahem* omake, but the main... Hrm... ^^;

OO! Duh! Bad, Aki, bad! Oh, you thought of an omake for me? Let's hear it. XD (I'll make you do half the work.)

I'm going to bounce an idea off of you, so look for that in an email.

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

ST2?

GW is for the brave souls that signed up to be lambs right?

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Yep-- GW is what she gathered the sacrificial lambs for.

ST2 I think falls somewhere before the GW story in her timeline. Not absolutely positive, however.

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Okie, thanks. But what does ST2 stand for (or hush hush)?

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

*laughs* ST2 = Spring Time Story 2. :P

I haven't mentioned it before but it's existed conceptually since ST was conceived. ^^;; It comes (logically enough) after ST which is... late March early April after the untitled SS2.

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Sorry, still lost. I assume I read ST then... but nothing on your page leaps out as to matching ST1 or untitled SS2 ... or it's just my brain deficiency tonight

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

Ah, no. It won't be on the short story page; ST and SS2 will be/are on the long investigative page.

ST hasn't been finished yet and isn't listed, but it's been mentioned on occasion conceptually. (It's been started but is only... ~1/4 done or so.) SS2 is the one written in Japanese. ^^;

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Ah... sou desu ne. Good, good, brain cells aren't a complete write off yet. ^^

[akinarei.livejournal.com]

Nothing hush hush-- I just couldn't remember. ^^;; Your icon is hilarious!

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

*snifl* *pout* *sulk*

[yumenokage.livejournal.com]

No fair using the teary bunny! >.<;

*sigh*

This is roughly what I wrote about the SS above. It's a bit weird because, except for the odd SS, I don't usually translate what I write. >.> (I usually just rewrite things in the other language.)

*****

...When I got up this morning, for some reason this story came to mind. Why this sort of story... hmm... Yesterday, when looking for something in my blog, I ran across a comment that "I just can't see Mai x Naru"... Umm... In my case... I've read Tenca-sama's SS and various other things... I think there's a part of me that kinda likes the idea. But Naru-uke... it could be difficult. Not to mention I can't write that sort of thing very well at all. *sweat*

Still, I kinda want to write it...? I'm not sure, but it might end up with some sexual content. (<- You don't need to say it! You already said you can't write that!)

The story's still a mess in my head. It started from something different, and this is where it ended up. It'll take a bit of time, but if you're interested, I hope you'll take a look.

Insular Mai and a rather gentle Naru. Possible? Impossible? I wonder. If it were at the work place, it'd probably be impossible. ^^;

Naru x Mai with the possibility of Mai x Naru. Those who don't like that sort of thing should beware. (Not that there's anything there right now... *laughs*)


Title: Kimi ga Soba ni Iru Tame
(Lit: To have you by my side)

*****

The story is something where I'm not sure how it'll pan out. The concept's been worked out, and I get the feeling it'll be done in a series of vignettes with a Mai-side and Naru-side. The problem is that this sort of thing could spiral down out of control and seriously crash and burn. >.>

[sekitx2.livejournal.com]

Ooooh much more interested now (Title alone has plunnies piqued) *sparkle* ... cheers for insanity!

No harm in trying ... even if decide after dame da and don't post.

Editing can be so time consuming.
Hai.

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

I can see Mai x Naru, in fact. Not in a severe sense, but I can see Mai being the driving force in a relationship with him. I can totally see him as her quietly devoted cabana boy. ^_^ Then again, I never had much of a connection with that idiot narcissist; it could be just that I'm convinced that Mai deserves whatever cabana boy she sets her heart on. Lalala!

(Sorry 'bout the bunny. I promise to use my power only for the forces of good [and tea, yarn, and fuzzy kitty bellies].)